working mom

i know that being a working mom is no big deal. After 10 months of being just a heartbeat away from N and A, i am now assigned to my QC office. It's only been a day, and i wish that i could stay in bench for a little more time.

I wanted to be chargeable and I know there are trade offs. Sayang at late na ing dream project ko, na assign na ako sa QC. Inshallah, i will get that opportunity in three months. I keep praying that He gives me one that would be best for me and my kids. Maybe there is a reason why i need to be far from my kids. If only i have the means to be a stay at home mom, i will. I miss my kids terribly.

Eto pala ang sinasabi nilang, nag iiba na focus once you have kids. When i was single, ok lang sa akin kahit san i-assign. Now, gusto ko maaga pumasok para maaga makauwi.

Today was my first day at my new assignment and all i could think about were my kids. I miss my lunch sessions with N and the 12 and 4pm nursing sessions with A. I miss giving N his bath, and having nap time with A. I miss giving them never ending kisses.

Being a working mom is hard. You leave your kids with someone and hope that that person will love and take care of the kids as much as you would. You leave things to fate and pray that everything will be ok.

N and A, this is all for you. I love you so much.

37 degrees

That's how hot it was today. :( I think you can even cook an egg on the pavement. Hay.

The only way to escape the heat was to stay in the office the whole day (and even that wasn't enough). Buti na lang di sumakit ang ulo ko today. I guess, having enough fluid intake and eating on time worked.

Rediscovering make up and myself

Confession: the last time i used make-up was in 2010 during my wedding. :) Or siguro a month after my wedding, basta ang alam ko, 2010 ang last time gumamit ako ng make up.

Fast forward to 2013. My hubby and I were invited to a wedding of a former colleague. Syempre dapat medyo formal at pretty, so dapat mag make up. Dun ko lang na realize na wala pala akong matinong make up. Haha. The only thing i have were face power and lip gloss. So no choice ako but to buy some mascara and blush.

After that incident, sabi ko sa hubby ko, i will slowly build up my make up collection. Kaya ayun, i started to subscribe to BDJ and glamour box. I also started to buy make up.

Na realize ko na being a mom should not stop me from being kikay. Hello, i medyo stressed na nga ako dahil sa work, so dapat may stress outlet ako. Di na nga ako nakakapag shoe shopping, so dito na lang sa make up muna.

Now 2 kids later, i am rediscovering how fun it was to put on make up.

Fun because, it gives me at least 5-10 minutes of me time. Being a mom to a toddler and an 8 month old baby can be tiring. But who said that being a mom stops you from becoming yourself.

Na realize ko na being a mom should not equate to being "losyang". Hello, ang tanda ko na nga, so dapat i take care of myself more di ba? Dapat pretty pa rin for the hubby.

Trying to be positive

Life happened when i was busy making plans. I had my career planned out na. Everything was according to plan… until i found myself out of a project.

I guess, things happen for a reason. Di ko pa nga alam kung ano ang reason so far. Being out of a project for so long (was only chargeable for a couple of months), medyo nakakasakit ng ego. Hello, ganun ba ako kahirap hanapan ng project? Merit based ang increase and promotion, so what will i show for this performance year? hayz…

The only silver lining that i have is that i get to spend more time with the kids plus I am nursing A for 8 months na! yahoo for me.

As my new outlet for stress (worrying about NOT having a project), i am now rediscovering make up. The last time i have put on make up was in 2010 pa ata, when i was pregnant with N. After 2 pregancies, i believe it is now time to have a little reward.

I am now in the process of restocking my make ups/ beauty loot and would really want a crash course on the how-tos of make up application. Buti na lang i have subscribed to 2 beauty sample boxes (bdj and glamour) as it has helped a lot in finding and trying out products (skin care and make up).

Next step would be to update my wardrobe. After 2 consecutive pregnancies, nothing fits anymore. I don't want to continue wearing maternity clothes, so i really want to shop for new tops (preferably cute nursing ones).

I guess, what i am really trying to do, is look the part of a Manager. Who knows, maybe i will be one sooner than i expected.

On being a mom

I was not one of those little girls who enjoyed playing "house" nor was i one of those girls who always dreamed about their wedding and prince charming. I was already 35 when i got married. Too set in my ways and having kids was the furthest in my mind. I wanted to focus on my career and also enjoy at least a few months or even a year of honeymoon with hubby before getting pregnant. But life had other plans.

I got married in September 2010. Became a mom in to N in 2011 and to A last year. In two short years, my life has been turned upside down by two adorable angels.

I now enjoy mornings. I used to wake up late on weekends, but now i get to enjoy getting up at 6am. It is now become my Me and A time. Since i exclusively nurse A, I find that early mornings are the perfect time to cuddle and spend quality time with the bunso (before kuya wakes up and gets all possessive).

Early mornings also has become my alone time - my "me time". It gave me time to collect my thoughts, go through my emails, and my daily reads.

Late afternoons and early evenings are also reserved for my kids. Since I am at work 8 hours a day, the only time i get to spend with the kids are at night. Night time baths/showers are my bonding time with N and he knows it. He doesn't want anyone to give him a bath if I am around.

My life now revolves around them. The most i could go out and spend time with friends is around 4-5 hours but I check up on my kids every so often. I did not even want to go out for the first 6 months after i gave birth to A. Dinner dates have to be over in 3 hours. Longer "gimiks" would mean that i would need to pack my pump and ice chest. When shopping for clothes, i always have to look for nursing friendly tops which means limited choices.

I now want to have a project that would keep me near them. I recently made a hard choice of not accepting work since it would mean that i would be away for 8 months.

Having kids means having to make sacrifices and make some hard choices, but hearing their laughter, seeing their faces means that it is all worth it.

UP and STFAP

Much has been said about the recent incident involving the suicide of the UP Manila Student. There is no easy answer on why a person takes his life...it might be a combination of events leading to one single event that triggers the decision. The answer is not easy as one, two, three or a + b = c. Let us leave that to the experts.

Much has been said about the STFAP. It might be flawed and tedious to accomplish but many have benefited from this socialized tuition fee. In my time, there were 9 brackets instead of 5. If memory serves me right brackets 1-4 are entitled to free tuition, fees and allowance, bracket 5 scholars pays only for school fees, while 6 to 8 have discount on their tuition fees and only bracket 9s pay the full tuition fee.

Being a beneficiary of the STFAP, i know about the long process and numerous documents that one has to accomplish and submit in order to avail of the program. Looking back, it must have been a nightmare not only to the students and parents but also the UP system to track and validate the applications. I am sure, even with today's technology, validation and tracking of all applicants and correctly assigning brackets are just as hard.

While reform of the program is needed, we must also need to asses the state U's ability to implement. Are there enough resources (personnel, budget, technology, etc)? Are there check and balances in place? How fast can it be reformed and implemented? How will it benefit the most number of qualified individuals? Have we, as alumni, done our part to give back to the University that helped shaped us to what we are now?

Happiness

Happiness is waking up in the morning in the arms of two sweet angels. I co-sleep with my kids and i find it easier to nurse when they (now only nursing my 7month old) are just within arms reach. It feels great to be a mom.

My heart skips a beat when ever I see the smile on A's face everytime i nurse her. Feeding time equals bonding time and now that A is trying solid food (she's eating two to three times a day), i tend to miss her constant need to nurse. I miss the every three hour feeding session.

Happiness is hearing my children laugh. They laugh at the simpliest things... A sound of a squeaky toy, tickles, butterfly kisses and even a picture or an app on ipad. I have learned to appreciate simple things just being with them.

Happiness is spending even just one hour of me time or alone time with hubby. This once a week breakfast or dessert date to mcdo or starbucks gives us a chance to catch up and act as if we were newly weds.

Happiness is getting that 10minutes of extra sleeptime during weekdays and getting to work on time. Happiness also means getting home early and having time to bath, eat with and put the kids to bed.

Happinesss is drinking iced cold coke on a hot day. Or eating chocochip cookies while reading or opening a bag of chips and getting ready to watch my series. It can also be the smell of freshly baked bread, cake or cookie.

Shopping and eating out can also make me happy. But It seems that as i get older, it is the simplest things that bring the smile to my face. What's your happiness?

Being thankful

Early this year, i had to turn down a job offer that would have sent me to work abroad for the next 8 months. Although very promising for me and my career, i had to say no as i did not want to leave my then four month old baby. She was exclusively nursing and although i could bring her (and my son) on my assignment, I would also need to bring or hire a nanny.

Sometimes things don't turn out to be the way you planned it, but there are always things to be thankful for:

• being able to spend more time with my babies
• being able to exclusively nurse my youngest (for the first six months)
• being home early to give them their bath and put them to sleep
• my babies are healthy - my stock of baby meds rarely gets used
• take trainings that woule help me in my career
• learn from a new manager
• have simple dates with hubby (mcdo breakfast on sunday or starbucks)
• meet new people

I might not have that job assignment abroad, but i am very thankful that my current assignment lets me spend time with my babies (hey, i don't even have to bring the pump to the office).

Time to shop

The last major shopping spree that i had was July last year and it wasn't even for me, it was for my kids. As i get older and bigger (i still need to lose 10-15 lbs from my back-to-back pregancies) i need to have an overhaul of my clothes. It has been 7 months since i gave birth to A, and i am still wearing my preggy pants.

When ever i open my cabinet, it seems that there's nothing to wear other than nursing shirts (that's 2 years old), i can't even fit into my old clothes anymore (from xs/s to m/l). So in line with my new beginings strategy this year, here are the list of what i want:

Want:

• 1 wrap dress
• 3 pairs of slacks/dress pants
• 3-4 blouses that could be used while nursing
• a pair or two of flats
• a nice necklace/accessory that would go well with just about anything
• a pair of nice jeans
• make up (lipstick, blush and powder)
• Ergo baby carrier - i have several carriers but i still want this one as it can carry either A or N and my hubby can also use this.
• A nice bag that could double as A's diaper bag

Need:

• Enough money to buy all the stuff i want
• Time to shop

booked and purchased

I am so looking forward to the one week vacay in May. This will be the first time in six years that all siblings will be under one roof. The last time that we were all together was in 2007 for my sister's wedding. 6 years, 5 weddings later and x kids, we will have our reunion.

Inshallah, all goes well.