Wednesday, November 30, 2005

relationship tips

I got this email from a friend... these advice runs true for any form of relationships.

(My reactions to the "relationship tips" are in italics)

The biggest fear when it comes to a relationship is whether or not a certain person will leave you hurt, heart broken or otherwise affected. What I've found though is that many people open themselves up for potential hurt by not following a few common sense rules. It seems that the desire to be around someone who is interested in you, even if you are "settling" by being with him or her, is worth the risk. If you find yourself in, or afraid of these types of situations, keep in mind the following tips. They just might help you avoid a future hurt.

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Find Out Where You Stand

"The unknown is a powerful force. It can drive you crazy, make you doubt yourself and potentially destroy a relationship. Don't let this happen to you! Make sure you know where you stand in your relationship. In the same respect, make sure you continually let your partner know where they stand as well. You'll both be happier, and you'll have an easier time of communicating to each other."

Not knowing where you stand can lead to feelings of insecurity and self-doubt which is really draining emotionally as you continiously feel second best. These feelings could eventually lead to being "makulit" which could trigger fights that could last for days.


Don't Play Mind Games

"The person you are involved with, or about to be involved with, is another being -- just like you. Playing mind games is just another way to increase your chances of getting hurt in the end. Personally, I feel that if you are willing to play mind games with a person, then you don't respect that individual enough for a relationship anyway. So do that person a favor and let him or her go."

While mind games are good for business, it is bad for business, especially if you use jealousy as a leveling factor. This only increases distrust for one another.

The "pa-awa" effect is also one form of mind game used in a relationship. Some who wish to "save" their relationships resort to telling lies such as them being sick or being in the family way and "guilt-trip" their partners into staying with them.



Don't Sleep With Someone You Don't Know Very Well Yet

"This may seem obvious, but for many people it is not. I've heard countless requests for advice which involve a person not sure where they stand with a certain person, yet they've been involved intimately with them. Now they are faced with a potential loveless affair, are completely unhappy, and are being driven by the fear of the unknown. No matter what the urge is, if you are interested in someone for more than just a fling, don't do it until, at the very least, you are clear about the other person's feelings for you. You can avoid many future downfalls by following this tip!"

To aviod getting hurt, the best advice is to get married first before getting into bed with your partner. However, if one can not follow this advice, then at least consider this:
(a) you must be in a committeed, serious relationship where you know where you stand with that person.
(b) be aware of the consequences such as STDs, and pregnancy. There are ways to avoid these such as pills, condoms. Better yet, do it when you are married, that way, both of you avoid the emotional stress that comes with unexpected pregnancy, false alarms and complications / sickness brought about by STDs.


Be Honest With Each Other

"Your honesty, or lack thereof, can either build or destroy your relationship. Be honest with your partner about everything, and expect the same from your partner. Too many times, I see people who have let their partner lie to them about everything, cheat on them, and worse -- yet, they continue to be with them all "in the name of love." That type of love is no love at all. It is clinging to the fact that being with someone, even though they are hurting you, is better than being alone. It is fine, and perfectly reasonable to have strong feelings or affection towards someone, but it is altogether something else when you allow yourself to stay in a relationship that has a negative effect "
on you.

This hits the nail right on the head. I mean, why stay in a realtionship if it does not do both any good. Why be in a relationship when that other person is holding you back or is causing you pain? You are first and formost an individual who can think for yourself. I mean, before having a relationship you have your own life right? Besides, even if you are in a relationship, you should have your own circle of friends (so that you can take a break from him once in a while, hehehe).

Again, honesty is the building block of relationships. Honesty = trust & credibility = love


Don't Settle

"If you know that a person isn't right for you -- go find someone who is. Don't wait to see if the relationship could turn into something better. You'll only find yourself a few years down the line in the same, or in an even worse, situation than you are in now. If you find yourself nit-picking about too many of your partner's traits early in your relationship, think forward to how much these "traits" will bother you after a few years."

Do i need to comment on this??? :) If you won't settle for an inferior brand of shoes, then why settle for a person

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"A relationship is 50% your responsibility, and 50% your partner's. Sometimes those numbers change depending on the situation. If you find things going down the wrong path, speak up and do something about it. Don't let it slide, thinking that things will get better. Proclaimed ignorance is not an excuse."

"This is YOUR life, don't be afraid to do things that will make it better."

Now my only wish is that I can follow these tips and my own advice. hehehehe

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